Running Away

Ooof! The end of my holiday draws near.

This time at home has flown by with a good amount relaxing and a good amount of visiting with dear friends, being a tourist in my own town. No work though on the couple of unfinished bits I brought home from the office. No driving lessons as I promise myself every summer. No braces for my crooked teeth, no major purging of papers or old photo equipment in the basement.  I managed a little bit of planning for changes next year and, despite my doctor phobia, finally got myself up-to-date with blood-work and check-ups. High cholesterol. Knew that already, must cut out the homemade lattes and exercise more.

Work on Monday. I honestly don't think I can do it. I'm pooped. Good thing I love working with the people I do, good thing they're funny and smart and caring. Good thing I respect so much the community I work to serve, otherwise it would be near impossible. The near impossible is almost here though, I have anxiety just thinking about work and the voice inside that says I can't keep on like this is getting louder. I definitely need a simpler alternate life. And here's the plan: take an unpaid leave of absence for18 months. Sell my lovely apartment and use that money to return to school for an MBA and hopefully buy a small student apt that I can rent out afterward. My first thought was to study back in British Columbia, where in all honesty I'd like to live. Enough of dreaming of new and faraway exotic places. In all my wanderings I've never returned anywhere. Perhaps now is the time. Not Vancouver where I've lived the longest of anywhere, but somewhere on Vancouver Island. I'm looking at Nanaimo - cost of living isn't bad, it's a small developing city by the sea, and it's closer to family. I could finally be a real aunt, not the stranger who pops by once a year.

I'm not sure exactly what I'd like to do next. I just know that my sphere of influence/activity needs to be smaller and my sphere of authority/control needs to be larger - they need to be in better balance (wow, I've never put it that succinctly before... no wonder work is stressful and anxiety producing). An MBA could set me on a path towards working for myself. I'd also like to adopt a dog and grow my own food (long-term goal is house with garden), this has been a huge desire, especially after the Camino where I spent five weeks conscious about eating and drinking from the land I walked through (no flown or shipped-in goods).

Researching MBA programs, I realise I could study anywhere first and then figure-out moving to BC. But studying there would get me closer to my long-term goal sooner. Decisions decisions. I've met with my real estate agent and we've a plan for putting my place on the market. My homework is to catch-up on all the little house repairs that I've let slide over these last years. Ugh. So, this autumn, work will be busy and I will be busy in my plans to escape work. I hope that enthusiasm will carry me, 'cause I certainly don't have energy. I'm pooped. Did I say already?

To get myself ready for work I started going through my email today, just so I know what's coming on Monday. As a salve, or counter-balance, I also decided to create a separate photo blog of my 2008 Camino. It's been wonderful re-tracing that path, remembering people, moments and insights. The new Camino link is at the top right corner of this blog, I'm about half-way through and I gotta say I'd love to be back there again right now. I'd love to simply run away.