Saturday Morning

Shoot. I don't want this blog to turn into a whining, overly introspective one, but I'm caught in a decision moment. Seems sleeping is just more time for my unconscious to work through things while my poor embattled ego takes a break. They're tag-teaming, turning ideas over, trying on scenarios like clothes to see what fits, hopefully getting me to the right place. I'm number crunching all possibilities this morning and tossing around the idea of doing an MBA at all. I could put that money into a larger deposit for a more permanent downsized home. I could give myself a break for a few months that I really really need. Then decide what to do from there. It's scary, maybe reckless even. But I shouldn't feel this anxious about returning to work. Perhaps it's more reckless to continue to pretend that I can just toughen up and get through it. I always tell my friends to have patience and trust the universe will unfold to bring you where you need to be. I believe that.

Maybe the idea of an MBA is smart but too grasping, having let go of the idea of my job I needed to replace it with something comparable looking forward (insert image of Tarzan wildly swinging from vine to vine here). Maybe really letting go, is letting go and not knowing, trusting that in the void you have yourself and God/Gaia/Universe. And that will be enough.