Telephone Gods

The telephone gods have been mischievous as ancestors. I would say that for the majority of of my holidays, my landline has been crossed and disconnected, making me involuntarily incommunicado during my séjour chez moi. I first realised something was amiss when the only time the phone rang was for wrong numbers and surprise three-way calls with polite strangers (the naughtiest thing I've done in ages). Even the call to the phone company was a bit of a ménage, but they sent someone out and all was fixed.

Then a few days ago, the quietness dawned on me again and I realised, this time, that I didn't have dial-tone, that my intercom was wasn't working even. It had likely been a week like that. So friends, if you've been trying to reach me I'm not avoiding you, not screening calls, not in a ball under the blankets, not out on a wild and crazy adventure, just a little too comfortable in my puttering solitude to realise the phone doesn't work.

It's a bit like the ancestors intervening to say I need a real break though. My job has a phone. A phone with a public number that every artist and arts administrator across the country can dial. Anytime. Being so available to people is anxiety inducing for an introvert like me. I love my job, I care about everyone who calls, I absorb a dose of hope, aspiration, fear and frustration every time. I love my job. But I also get this butterfly anxiety in the pit of my stomach when the little red message light flashes, or when the robot woman's voice tells me I have "more then twenty new messages..."

If it's true that for introverts every hour spent with people should be counterbalanced by two hours alone, then I'm due for a few years in the woods à la Thoreau or Joseph Campbell. That would be truly amazing, except for the fact that I'd want my friends with me, I'd want to share the grounding goodness that being on the land away from the city brings. I've made jokes with friends about creating a pared-down retreat for burned-out bureaucrats and toasted CEOs, for anyone who needs grounding, healing and regeneration. The trick is finding a way to do that.